"One Size Fits All! Sippy cup? Yep. Water bottle? Yep. 40 oz? Yep. MOST PERFECT GIFT EVER? Yep.
Made in North Carolina!! *somebody inevitably sings Wagon Wheel in the distance*
Insulates!! (I know I know big words. Here: It keeps all your drinks cold!)
Machine Washable! Throw that sucker in with a regular load of laundry for a pick-me-up.
American jobs thank you kindly for your support!"